This is what happens when you don't post my comments...

I thoroughly enjoy reading the blog of my friend Amanda Avery.  God has gifted her with an adorable, fun, conservative, bubbly, fired-up-balanced-with-wit-and-compassion personality and a quiet spirit that pours out in her writing, which God has also gifted her for.  I often find it to be uplifting and inspiring.  (While I was trying to find the words to describe Amanda, I found myself smiling uncontrollably and my heart was lighter than it had been before.  She just has a way about her.)  Check out this recent post.  Isn't she phenomenal?!?

Other times, I must confess, it makes me ill.  I become jealous: jealous of her gifts, jealous of her positive nature, jealous of how much she is loved by others, jealous that she is with those I love, jealous that her blog has more followers than mine, jealous of her heart.  I want to wake at 6am to sip on tea while I pray and journal.  I want my kids to say funny things and surprise me with their thoughts on God and life (well, if I had kids...).  I want to inspire others to be better than they are.  I want a cool nickname. 

And jealousy evolves.

I feel guilty that I don't roll out of bed until the sun is well into the sky.  I feel shameful that it is a well known fact that the first hour of my day is MINE and I am not to be bothered.  I fear I lack commitment because I can't keep a Bible reading schedule to save my physical life and have never been able to journal consistently.  Am I too busy?  Am I not positive enough?  Am I not fun enough?  Am I too worried?

Then I hear God whisper- "You are not Amanda."

But I want to be!

"I don't."

::breath::  Right.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

In his book Church Planter, Darrin Patrick writes, "Our focus should be on getting close to God... Different people will find different practices helpful.  So each one of us needs to learn how we best cultivate dependence on the Holy Spirit.  There is no formula: our goal should be simply to do whatever we need to do to cultivate more of a sense of dependence on God in our lives."

I need to stop comparing myself to others.  I need to stop focusing on what they have, how they are wired, and what they need and consider what I have, how I am wired, and what I need to draw nearer to the heart of God.

I had been thinking about all this when Amanda updated her blog with this post.  Funny.  I got it God; couldn't have said it louder than that.

And by the way Amanda, I am now very aware of using the word amazing and have excluded it from this post just for you!